It’s a bit difficult writing this to two people, at different places, at different times — yet still linked. But here goes my piece to my past self, a query to my future self — at the intersection.
To my former self,
I did grow up. I still haven’t grown a full beard, save for a few strands of hair hanging on my goatee. I’m a bit taller now, standing at what the internet considers to be an average man’s height in this part of the world.
I have gained a couple few kilos. Yeah, I lost some bit of the athletic body. But worry not, I’m currently working on it. My heart pounds a bit more nowadays, heaving and panting from the HIIT sessions I try to beast through. I also need to go on morning runs, but it’s not easy getting off the bed these days. The weight of the night’s darkness presses my head down on the pillow.
Life after her, you ask? I’m still alive, aren’t I? Though I’m yet to find some pieces from my shattered heart. I have grown to accept it — to accept that it’s broken, scattered, and she won’t be coming back to help me piece it back together.
In hindsight, this was the right path to take. She and I both had issues we needed to sort out. Yeah, that’s right. You have issues that I’m currently sorting out.
I’m getting to figure myself out a lot too. I’m forming my mindset, crafted from experience and detailed from the bits I learn from others along the way. And like any well-kept garden, sometimes I prune this mindset, and sometimes I change the plants in it.
All to mean, I’m learning to be me — authentic me. To be me regardless of what I may think people will think of me. For the most part, anyway. It’s a work in progress.
To my future self,
I hope you can still read or reading is still something you do. I’ll go straight ahead and say I have more questions than pleasantries. But hopefully, you’ll understand me and I bet you also have questions of your own.
Let me start with old us’ question (He pleaded that I ask you this.) Did we ever grow a beard? I hope not. A goatee is all I need.
I’m curious though, do you feel successful? Do you consider yourself healthy? Physically fit? How is your career going? Do you derive satisfaction from it? I hope you still write. I really, really hope you do. Do you?
How are we doing on our financials? Please only rate yourself on a scale, I couldn’t bear hearing the digits.
How about your relationships? Did we settle down? How’s the fam doing? I guess the small ones are all grown up now. They could be teenagers by then who find you as odd and old, I presume. Oh, the ignorance of youth.
How are the folks? God bless them, they did what was right by us the best way they knew how. How are your friends…? Wait. Who is part of your inner circle? I wonder how life managed to carve out your circle?
Don’t mind me though with all these questions. I am only curious and excited. Thinking about it gets me anxious and buzzing at the same time.
But if you don’t get the time to answer all these questions, try answering but this one; Are you happy?
Anyway, keep leaning on Christ, as I know you still are.
Shalom.
First published on Medium @mbatiawrites